I miss feeling loved, I miss feeling wanted, I miss feeling like I'm anything more than a burden and annoyance to you. Knowing I'll never wake up to a paragraph of love words from you again, knowing that I'll never again ask for reassurance or comfort and be able to receive that. 

Journal, I'm sorry that I just seem so crazy. If anyone ever reads this, they'll think I'm nuts.

But these are all the things I need to say but can't say to him. Because I've tried communicating with him for over a year, and it just ends in a fight. It ends in even less. 

I just need someone to talk to and you are what I have.