Hi, journal. 

Things have sort of changed but sort of not. We have a few good days and then.. it kind of goes down again. But I think I'm finding numbness finally. I get these waves of sadness and anxiety, but then I suffocate them. I don't really know what to do anymore so I'm just letting things go as they are. I found out that he was mistruthing about how much he talks to his main female friend, which just made me feel uncomfortable. This was right after he got upset with me and called me a liar because I took literally 3-4 minutes to tell him what I got from Amazon. (It was a sex toy! Something that he doesn't like hearing about, like we've fought so much about it that I'm basically sex-averse now.) I feel nothing writing this out. No waves of depression or fear. I can't change anything anymore. He's attacked me so he could defend his friend countless times. I'm at the bottom of the totem pole. So I don't give a shit anymore.